Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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