Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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