actually, I'm a sock model
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
