god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
