he puts the penis in happiness.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
