can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
