I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
