I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
