you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
