I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
