Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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