I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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