my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
