That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
