I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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