this just has baby written all over it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
