so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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