My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
