Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
