I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
