He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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