I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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