Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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