i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
