They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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