i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
