My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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