he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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