i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
