Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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