Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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