Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
