i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
