I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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