I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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