i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
