did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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