My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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