I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
