If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
