I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
