I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
