can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
