Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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