If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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