Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
