he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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