I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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