Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
