this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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