Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
now i know why i became what i already was.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
