"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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